2 weeks after miscarriage

Today marks 2 weeks after my miscarriage. This day should have been baby Aedam’s 19 weeks GA. I think I am now okay. I have stopped crying as well. Though there were still times when I still remember the joy of my pregnancy as well as the heartaches of losing our baby. I still feel sad at times but I don’t linger with the loneliness anymore. After all I am still thankful of all the blessing that I have. I am thankful that I have a loving relationship with Hami. I am thankful that I am surrounded with wonderful people especially my family and close friends. I am thankful that I have survived the whole ordeal.. that I have physically recovered immediately. I have now set my mind on a new goal and a new hope. By early next year, we will try again with our IVF cycle. I claim that we will be pregnant again on the first cycle.. I claim further that we will have a full term pregnancy and that I will go on and deliver a healthy baby (or babies). With this in mind, I am waking up every day with a forward-looking mindset. I am more determined to become healthier. I am putting effort in eating healthy food and maintaining my >20 BMI. After a week or so, I am intending to do some exercise as well so as to make my body more fit to carry my baby. Hami and I are also praying for our baby angels in heaven as well as our future babies. It has become part of our routine. We are happy and enjoying every moment.

What’s keeping me busy lately? For the past 2 weeks, I have gone back being busy in the kitchen. I enjoy cooking for my Hami. We started eating healthy breakfasts again. We also started having our fruits mix and fruits+milk juices. It makes me happy seeing my Hami come home after the day’s work and look forward to the meals that I would serve. I also enjoy having long conversations with him, cuddling, watching news and telenovelas together, watching animes, playing clash of clans (we have abandoned Farmville already! :P).. even throwing the garbage together and washing the dishes together. J I have also spent my time chatting with my mom and siblings. I also started reconnecting with the people whom we shared the news that we’re pregnant. I have already told them about the sad news and I am glad that I can now comfortably talk about it. When I don’t feel sleepy, I watch Koreanovelas (currently watching The Heirs).

I am happy to see and feel the rain today. It’s like being at home (in the Philippines). I even heard the thunder. I feel refreshed! Winter is coming but I’m so glad that I have Hami beside me to keep me warm always. I forgot to mention that ever since I became pregnant, I feel more loved by him. But after I miscarried, I feel that he loved me even more. I probably won’t be able to recover this quickly if not for him so I am so thankful to have a husband as sweet, as loving, as caring, as thoughtful, as warm and as accommodating as him. I can’t imagine having someone else instead! With all the rain, the storm or typhoon that passed by our life, I strongly believe that we will have our rainbow soon.

Lastly, I saw ANC’s final word tonight that inspired me to write today. It goes, “Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on the object we're waiting for.” I know that God has bigger and better plans for us. We will be waiting for our rainbow baby to come soon. J